Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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