I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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