remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
