thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
