God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
