Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
