o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
