I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
