yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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