Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
