He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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