my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
