If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
