Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
