Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
