it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
