I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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