yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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