i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
