so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
