Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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