my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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