My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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