I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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