it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
