Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
