Fine. I'll sleep in my office
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
this just has baby written all over it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
