So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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