My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the condom got lost in my hair
i love accidental penises.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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