Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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