i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
