No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
