wat bout pragnant strippers??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
