I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
