erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
