I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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