I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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