Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we're so committed to being not committed
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
