nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
