ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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