So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
