So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
