i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
