It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
handjob tips. give me some.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
