I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
