Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
