If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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