you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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