I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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