I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
